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Thursday, June 20, 2013
Hate myself for having such a complicated brain.
Why do I always love to make things complicated?
Simple --> Think a lot --> Saddened --> Continue thinking --> Depressed.
Dislike this complex feeling.
Especially when my mood was lifted up so high,
then it suddenly goes right down.
Roller coaster or what...?!
That is why I don't want to get near to anybody,
dislike opening myself to others.
It feels like going through a vicious cycle over and over again.
After all, it's a petrified moment to go through again.
Then i start closing myself into my own world again.
Which the main source of fearsome came from...
'Afraid of losing friends, and being left alone.'
I think I'm allergic to friendship. When contacted, it shows certain adverse effects. E.g. Overly relied on that person, demanding, 'hallucination' (Start to imagine/ think about things that may not even happened)
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Started going back for training more often for these past 2-3 weeks, after taking half a year break.
So glad that my way of teaching got accepted by 1-2 juniors.
I started taking freshies when they're white belt 4 years ago for consecutive 3 years.
Could be due to first time teaching, i put in the most heart, soul and feelings for the first batch.
Started to really treat them like my children, slowly naturing them.
Recently, was being approached or approached by juniors to 'share' my humble knowledge for poomsae. The feeling of naturing a kid came back again.
That's why it reminded me about the photo above.
It may just be a thought or a message on Mothers' day.
But it truly touched me deeply.
Occasionally i will still scroll back and look at it.
Doing something and not wanting anything in return?
That's fake.
I want a lot!
That simple yet meaningful message can easily be one of the few best things i'd gotten.
Can anyone understand?
To have so many terrible things happening between us,
yet still receiving that.
I'm sincerely grateful.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
Saturday, June 08, 2013
三年前，我经历了前所未有，被丢下的感觉。
像是被重要的人丢下。
今天，我又感受到了。
真的，真的，真的很讨厌那种感觉。
Saturday, June 08, 2013
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